Jokes, What else??

[nicewitch]

Ah, the joys of the justice system. Now consider all the tax money spent for this little jaunt between the insurance co and the lawyer...

that kinda put a damper on things...

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it's a long long road it's a big big world we are wise wise women we are giggling girls we both carry a smile to show when we're pleased both carry a switchblade in our sleeves--Ani Di Franco from "If He Tries Anything"

[Jaxom 27]

It's either this or our tax money goes to anothe $900 goverment toilet seat...

------------------
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING
MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,
"You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.

[Ski]

Hey I happen to like my $900 dollar toilet seat!

And my $600 Hammer

And my 3.5 Million dollar Tank

And my ......well you get the idea

------------------
Miral's Slave
tyledras's Sidekick
Sanctuary for an Elf

I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar!

[This message has been edited by Ski (edited February 03, 2002).]

[usmu]

Well what goes around, comes around

My contribution:

Why republican affairs are less sexy then democratic ones:

I did not have financial relations with that company, Enron



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The hammer of Thor quotes:

Yeah I'm pretty happy
Living in my own sweet time
I'm pretty happy
And I don't need your virus of the mind

Heather Nova -Virus of the mind

[Kamikaze]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Arial, Verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by La Luna Unita:
And this one is to be said in a loud, clear voice in a crowded room, just as a lull begins: "Yeah, so then I decided I'd get my TESTICLES LAMINATED!!"
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------
Member of the Branflakes Fan Club
Duct Tape is like the force:It has a light and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
"Kamikaze: You're awful. In a good way."-Branflakes

[This message has been deleted by Kamikaze (deleted February 07, 2002).]

[batfreak]

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night,with
Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin
airport, they looked out the front window.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy" Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is!
Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see!"
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus.
"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said
Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy.
"I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and
sweaty palms.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse,
put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with
all of his soul.
Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke,
the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the end of the runway,
much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure,
Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus
"Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole
life".
Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how
fookin wide it is!"


------------------
"put the bunny back in the box"
"In god we trust, Every bugger else pay's cash.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a f**k.

[happybunny2]

Carpark Accident

A man comes out of a shopping mall to find the side of his parked car rammed in. Seeing a note under the windshield, he reads it. On the paper is written: "As I'm writing this, about a dozen people are watching me. They think I'm giving you my name, phone number, and insurance company. But I'm not ..."

...

------------------
It's simple tips like these
That keep you safe from injuries
The surgeon general should do his part:
Warning, beware, be careful - Fragile Heart

Words By Jewel(EDA)

[La Luna Unita]

All right, guys, I expect some flameage for these ones... they're really bad. But the point is that they are jokes and not to be taken seriously.

What has Superman been eating for breakfast?
Kryptonite, apparently.

What's Superman's new weakness?
Everything.

And this one was one my (white) friend used to tell just to get a reaction in high school:

(insert in the middle of conversation) Yeah, my girlfriend is black...

Well, just her eye, but I'm working on the rest of her.


And this one is to be said in a loud, clear voice in a crowded room, just as a lull begins: "Yeah, so then I decided I'd get my TESTICLES LAMINATED!!"


------------------
Current quotes from FireBird:
"What did you expect? I'm a dickhead!"

FB: "We will get along a lot better as soon as you realize I am God."
Me: "If you're God, then I fear for the next world."

"I always knew Mickey Mouse was the antichrist. Wait, I'm the antichrist. I forgot."

[batfreak]

http://www.happyhub.com/network/reflex/

Try this it's as annoying as hell.

------------------
"put the bunny back in the box"
"In god we trust, Every bugger else pay's cash.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a f**k.

[Jaxom 27]

yep. That IS annoying...

------------------
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING
MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,
"You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.